one | "lament of a broken blade"

[umuwhatsthis]

[ on the afternoon of the 24th, ink begins to appear on the network. first a dip, then a small blot of ink, and suddenly a title in black: ]

Lament of a Broken Blade

[ and then the words begin. they are endless, a single stream of thought from start to finish without any thought of editing or stopping. whoever this person is, they have an axe to grind. ]

Sing to me, O Muses, you daughters of Gaea,
Though I know not which will come.
Shall I call upon Calliope?
Or perhaps Clio?
Your words flow without voice,
Sung silently yet heard by many.

Sing, Muse, of tragedy and travesty,
Of a falsely-named champion and their touted glory.
The words, engraved in brass, weigh heavy on me.
A masterful screw, or so they have declared,
Not yet knowing what it means to gaze upon Venus,
Not yet having grasped the blushing buttocks of Bacchus,
Not yet laid down and held by the strong arms of Vulcan.

Would that only their idol were here,
Standing by this liar's plaque of brass.
Would that I had the strength to stand against them.
Would that my Master had summoned me into a war,
That I might reward such insolence as I saw fit.

But alas, this is no war,
And I am left with no mandate but to protect.
I will put down the pen with a sigh,
And retreat to my thoughts with regret.

[ the writing finally stops, the pen laid down against it. it seems its histrionic wielder has finished what it is they wished to say.

beneath it, an elegant and ornate signature appears in deep red: ]

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus

Comments

[ignisvulpes]

Hooolyyy fuck the mistress has completely lost her marbles.

[umuwhatsthis]

I do not understand her reasons, but they are undoubtedly beautiful. For now, that is all I ask of my Praetor.

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus

[ignisvulpes]

Okay, okay, okay, so what's your actual goal here? What are you so mad about?

[umuwhatsthis]

Is it not obvious? Did you not read the words I wrote? My time is precious - do not make me repeat myself!

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus

[ignisvulpes]

Holy shit, stop signing your name, I'm fucking dying

1/3

[umuwhatsthis]

Enough from you! I will attach my name to whatever I see fit. I will not be talked down to by some lowly

2/3

[umuwhatsthis]

[ ...oh.

it's automatically doing it. ]

3/3

[umuwhatsthis]

I see, I see! Truly, the mages of this place are rational in their actions. I will have to give them my regards when I find them next.

Action bc Yenh's house is a Destination for everyone

[crimsonlight]

[ Yenh read the entire message to completion, though about halfway she stopped snacking on the stale coffee cake she sweet-talked out of the baker and peeked subtly out her window. Yes. A woman is out front, writing a poem. ]

[ ]

[ Yenh is too earnest for practical jokes, otherwise she might reply in the book. No, she kicks her own door open and stares at the tiny hyur woman. ]

Did you knock? I must have been in the privy.

action and thank god we both knew nero stood out front to do this.

[umuwhatsthis]

[ nero's head snaps towards the disturbance. for a brief, beautiful moment, she is silent - looking up to yenh, then leaning in slightly to look over the plaque, and then back up again.

and then she crosses her arms, takes a deep breath, and speaks. ]

Of course not. Had I knocked, you would need not ask. [ and given the forceful, terse tones in her voice, she's probably not bluffing. she reaches out and in, rapping just under the plaque. ] Who saw fit to give you this? Was it my Praetor- no, the Mistress?

[ given the way she comparts herself, it's almost possible to forget that she's four foot fucking eleven. ]

Honestly yenh should feel lucky nero didn't break in, everyone else does

[crimsonlight]

[ Fortunately(?), Yenh isn't one to conflate height and power. So even if she "towers" several inches above Nero, she still takes this woman seriously. ]

[ Her expression is serious, but still a smile finds its way across her lips as she crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe. ]

Aye, it was her. I conquered numerous opponents between the sheets, earning the right to make love to the goddess of winter. And in doing so, I brought summer to the land. [ She isn't one to throw her weight around, but it's hard not to be at least brag a little. ] Why does it cause you such insult?

this house? it's the emperors. all roads lead to rome and i walked here so

[umuwhatsthis]

A goddess...?

[ a flicker of something crosses nero's face. by the time it settles, her indignant expression is gone. instead, she seems... pleased, almost. her voice is high, a sing-song lilt dancing between each word. ]

I see. Perhaps I misjudged you, hmm? I will address you as your title commands, Champion. [ and then she stomps one metal boot to the ground and fucking bellows. ] Nonetheless-!

[ she throws one hand to the side, bringing up to her chest in a passionate gesture. if yenh has stepped back to make any room for the idiot throwing herself around, nero will just take the opportunity to take one step forward. ]

What good is a champion who cannot defend herself? [ that voice can't be natural coming out of someone her size. she is punctuating each word like a mallet to the eardrum; her chest is thrust forward, her shoulders square. ] Hear me now, oh Champion. I wish to challenge you for your title - with whatever contest, whatever rules you see fit!

but nero is also rome, how did rome come home to herself,

[crimsonlight]

[She reels back, ears bobbing upward to match her eyebrows. Bedding this woman will be interesting.]

[And Yenh fully intends to bed her—even if this woman loses the Fuckfest she knows she shall put on, it seems only fitting to give the boisterous woman her due.]

[It doesn't even occur to her that she's contemplating bedding a Major World Figure, but given that she's had Aymeric in every orifice, it probably wouldn't give her much pause.]

[She grins.]

Alright! Then we shall have another "Fuckfest," as it was called. The loser of each bout will be the first to reach climax. And just as I did, you shall face a number of opponents. Each shall have the same goal: to out-seduce you.

[shieldofrohan]

You are not alone in longing for action, though you may be in your expression of it. Yet protection is not an empty mandate, even here. What higher need is there, than to be strong for others?

[umuwhatsthis]

To solely protect another when there is no threat? You would have me watch my Praetor rot as long as she did so in peace.

If a people are in need of protection, then it is an emperor's duty to protect. But if he does not enrich his people's lives? If he does not extend his love to everyone within reach, even if they will not take it?

Then he has failed as an emperor.

[shieldofrohan]

I would not. Battle is not the only threat from which to defend, and there are ever threats, in this as any other world. Protection is ever needed, from foes, from famine, from sickness and privation. A true King cannot forget it, for that is the love a lord must show.

And if they truly will not take it, then it is better served elsewhere.

[hello yes eowyn has Opinions about how royalty works]

[umuwhatsthis]

I see, I see. It seems our thoughts are more alike than I thought. I

I may have misjudged you. We are in agreement.

[shieldofrohan]

Well-spoken. I accept the apology.

May we be in as good agreement in other matters. Friends are ever a precious treasure.

[meteorman]

[How dare you put poetry in his good magical book]

I'm not very good with poetry. Could you summarize that into a pithy couplet?

[Because oh boy his eyes crossed after the first verse and he has no idea what he's supposed to have gleaned here.]

[umuwhatsthis]

W
Wh
W
W

[ this continues for some time, with varying degrees of pauses between each failed start. finally, she manages to get this out: ]

What is wrong with you? An inability to read is one thing, but to ask me to rip apart my own works? What sort of cruelty hides in your soul, Stanford Pines?

[braveatheart]

Did you write that? It's... good.

[umuwhatsthis]

Of course, of course! In life, I was known for my grand poetics, just as much as my grand works.

Rome may have had other emperors, but not a one heard the Muses' call as I did. Of that, I am certain.

[braveatheart]

[James' knowledge of muggle rulers is... lacking. A Pureblood wizard education doesn't do much to teach you about that sort of thing, but at least he knows who the Romans were?]

What else have you written?

[umuwhatsthis]

What else have I written? Why, I could not list it all, not even with ten tongues, ten mouths, an untiring voice, a heart of bronze! Only the Muses may know - for they are goddesses and know everything.

[ what a roundabout, braggadocious way of saying "lots." ]

[braveatheart]

[Someone likes to hear (see??) themselves talk, apparently.]

Funny how I've never heard of you, then.