one | "lament of a broken blade"

[umuwhatsthis]

[ on the afternoon of the 24th, ink begins to appear on the network. first a dip, then a small blot of ink, and suddenly a title in black: ]

Lament of a Broken Blade

[ and then the words begin. they are endless, a single stream of thought from start to finish without any thought of editing or stopping. whoever this person is, they have an axe to grind. ]

Sing to me, O Muses, you daughters of Gaea,
Though I know not which will come.
Shall I call upon Calliope?
Or perhaps Clio?
Your words flow without voice,
Sung silently yet heard by many.

Sing, Muse, of tragedy and travesty,
Of a falsely-named champion and their touted glory.
The words, engraved in brass, weigh heavy on me.
A masterful screw, or so they have declared,
Not yet knowing what it means to gaze upon Venus,
Not yet having grasped the blushing buttocks of Bacchus,
Not yet laid down and held by the strong arms of Vulcan.

Would that only their idol were here,
Standing by this liar's plaque of brass.
Would that I had the strength to stand against them.
Would that my Master had summoned me into a war,
That I might reward such insolence as I saw fit.

But alas, this is no war,
And I am left with no mandate but to protect.
I will put down the pen with a sigh,
And retreat to my thoughts with regret.

[ the writing finally stops, the pen laid down against it. it seems its histrionic wielder has finished what it is they wished to say.

beneath it, an elegant and ornate signature appears in deep red: ]

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus

Comments

[ignisvulpes]

Why, thank YOU. >;)

That's a smiley face, by the way. Bet you didn't have those back in Rome!

[umuwhatsthis]

Of course not! These symbols are of recent design. They are unnecessary to any of Rome, and their use reflects a poorly designed language.

Even so, much as the pictographs of Egypt, I will admit it has some charm to it.

[ignisvulpes]

Huh. There's something funny about the way you put that.

[umuwhatsthis]

And what do you mean by that?

[ignisvulpes]

[This response takes a little longer to show up.]

You make it sound like you ALREADY knew about smiley faces.

Are they catching on around the kingdom, is that it?
Or are you maybe not as eloquent as you think you are?
>;)

[umuwhatsthis]

Don't be ridiculous. These symbols, here.

> . : ) [ | ' "

They are recent inventions, crutches for a language which does not make its intent known. As long as you use them, any buffoon could create or spot a "face."

[ignisvulpes]

You know what?

That's not how I see it! You call them crutches, I call them whatever the opposite of crutches is.
Why ramble on and on when you can get your point across with just a face, Your Emperorness? :]

By the way if you were trying to make a face there I'm pretty sure you fucked it up.

1/2

[umuwhatsthis]

I refer to your punctuation! The mother tongue of Rome had no need for such trivialities. Honestly, it's as if you are trying to misinterpret my words.

2/2

[umuwhatsthis]

[ and then, a good thirty seconds later: ]

O8|-<

There. See? Hardly as difficult as you claim.

[ignisvulpes]

Classy.

[Kaph decides to draw a crude dick under his words to match.]

[umuwhatsthis]

Of course.

[ ...

SHE DRAWS A BIGGER ONE NEXT TO IT ]

[ignisvulpes]

Oho! Is that supposed to be a self-portrait, Your Emperorness?

[umuwhatsthis]

Such a small pictograph? Truly you do not understand the grandness of the Emperor.

But if you wish to find out, perhaps you should seek me out.

> ; )

[ignisvulpes]

You're offering me the chance to witness your glorious neckbeard in person?
Your Emperorness, how could I ever refuse!